83. WCW Backstage Assault

(Playstation/N64, Electronic Arts, 2000)
I'm accused by people of being too forgiving of bad games, games that others find "so-so" I find "good" for example.
You want to know why? Sometimes, you play a game SO atrocious, it ruins your standards forever and everything else looks like solid gold in comparison.

WCW Backstage Assault aborted itself onto consoles in the year 2000. Going head to head with THQ's relatively new WWF SmackDown! series, EA released their second game featuring rival company WCW. The only "Assault" here is on the senses.

First up, THERES NO RING AT ALL. Every fight takes place in a "backstage" area such as a car park, locker room, or most appropriately, a toilet. No more than two wrestlers can partake in any match and its always NO HOLDS BARRED! not in the awesome Hulk Hogan movie way, more in the "Horrible graphics and terrible collision detection" way. Apparently other holds EA barred from the match include the deadly "Be-a-good-game-lock" and the dreaded "Don't-look-like-someone-vomited-on-my-television-suplex"

Almost unbearable to control and play, the wrestlers skid all over the place, glitching through the opponents and backgrounds like theyre actually trying to escape the game itself. Picking up a weapon or applying a hold only occurs should the moon and stars align correctly. Not only that, but the wrestlers appear to be unable to perform the most rudimentary wrestling moves, such as "Standing up" and "Walking forward"
Many wrestlers feature incorrect outfits in garish colours and the blockiest body parts this side of 1991. Model design on the absolute lowest level, clothes are represented by colouring in body parts. Seriously, some characters are MISSING NOSES AND MOUTHS. Terrible commentary delivered in bored tones and "comedy" sound effects to accompany groin shots add your ears to the eye raping. Don't forget this was 2000, Smackdown! was already on its second game and the THQ N64 games (thought by many to be the best wrestling games ever made) had been out for years.

Its making me ill to write about this game, its just terrible on all levels. Clunky, slow, ugly, dull, unresponsive and unintentionally funny.

WCW was a multi-million dollar company, mis-management, bad ideas and backstage politics cost the company $80 million over the year 2000 and led to the company's eventual demise soon after.
At its best, WCW was unmissable, at its worst, it allowed this game to be released. It almost seems apt that the final WCW game produced was the worst wrestling game ever made, it matched the product they were showing on their TV screens at the time very well.