59. Kane And Lynch: Dead Men

(PS3/Xbox360/PC, IO Interactive, 2007)
This is a tale of screw-ups, greed, bitterness and redemption.
Not the plot, I'm referring to the development and fallout of the game itself. Eidos published Kane And Lynch: Dead Men in 2007 at the dawn of the new generation of consoles. With the Hitman team behind it, a Jesper Kyd soundtrack and plenty of hype, it seemed like a "cant miss" prospect.

It couldn't have missed more if that guy who threw his shoes at George Bush was aiming.

K&L tells the story of the two most unlikeable protagonists in videogame history: Kane, an ex-mercenary on his way to Death row and Lynch, a medicated psychopath who killed his wife and is capable of becoming a one man slaughterhouse at the drop of a hat. These two are forced together by fate and before they know it, K&L have their backs to wall in a tale of brutal violence they can't hope to survive.

You won't want them to either, Kane and Lynch, despite their interesting histories, are two of the most despicable men gamers have ever had the chance to control, Kane is a pathetic, back-stabbing loser who causes pain to anyone involved in his life whilst Lynch is straight up irredeemable. The game follows an uber-bleak storyline which involves the deaths of many innocents and an awful transition midway through the story where it attempts to get you to sympathize and "side" with the characters.

Now, K&L are STILL interesting characters to me, despite their reprehensibility. That still leaves another problem, the game stinks. The graphics were dated on release, the aiming is broken and features a hideous cover system that barely works. The storyline has huge plot holes and a cringe-inducing script, if you think saying "Fuck" is really cool, this is the game for you. The game has a co-op story mode but incredibly it's split-screen only. There is also a squad based ordering system but it isn't useful and the A.I is untrustworthy.
On the plus side, Jesper Kyd's soundtrack is very cool, the online "Fragile Alliance" mode is clever and original and some of the banter between K&L during play is amusing, especially if you order Lynch around too much.
At this point, I'd be willing to say that K&L was the unfortunate victim of bad timing, being developed just too early to be "next gen" but just too late to be "last gen" but the story doesn't end there. Jeff Gerstmann, then Gamespot reviewer was apparently fired for giving this game a scathing review. To churn out a broken game, then cause a man to lose his job because he rightly called you on it is bullshit. Fortunately, Gerstmann was picked up by the superior GiantBomb.com

My theory is; someone sat at a table and drew out a plan for Kane & Lynch: Dead Men and that plan was awesome, but it got repeatedly watered down, chopped, changed, rewritten, re-edited resulting in a broken mess of the original idea. As of the writing, Kane And Lynch 2: Dog Days, is in development, though it goes against every bit of common sense in my being, I'm going to give the hateful duo a second chance, I'm convinced that this CAN work and maybe a new team, new engine, new controls and a new style can do just that.

It'll be 2010, too many great third person games are out. Looking at Gears Of War, Resident Evil etc, there's no excuse. If I.O can't make the sequel at least "pretty good" then they need to get out of the business. In a time where better studios have been forced to close their doors, I.O were lucky enough to get a new lease of life.
Now it's time to prove that they deserve it.