64. Rock Star Ate My Hamster

(Various Home, Codemasters, 1988)
DONT GET ME STARTED ON MUSIC.
Seriously, you'd be opening a hardcore can of worms. A self confessed stubborn mentalist, a simple conversation with me about bands will quickly become political warfare of it's highest order. Incredibly precious about the bands I like and brutally un-moving on the hundreds I don't, there probably isn't a single act I haven't built a half arsed psychological profile on. I'm not saying I'm not usually RIGHT, of course, just that it's rarely worth the bullet-point lecture I'll spew forth from every orifice on my body.

ANYWAY, Codemaster's Rock Star Ate My Hamster is a satirical look at the music industry and the questionable dealings that may be going on in order to get many gorgeous, talentless scrubs high in the charts. As ex-theatrical agent Cecil Pitt (and his hapless assistant Clive) The player must put together a band from the fifty or so stars on offer, then manage their equipment, practice sessions, gigs, publicity and, of course, temper tantrums and diva-esque demands.

"No, no, Fold the meat"
"But then if you keep folding it, it breaks up and everything has to be folded"

Once successful on the circuit, an album can be recorded and various singles released, the aim being to go gold four times within the year. All this while keeping an eye out for pirate companies, bogus charities and publicity stunts gone horribly wrong. Bankruptcy or loss of all your band members sees the team turfed out on the street.
Rockstar is a novel game, it has a cool concept and a nihilistic sense of humour, similar in style to classic British shows like The Young Ones. Rockstar is amusing to play but impossible to take seriously, not necessarily in a good way. The time limit given to achieve success is far too small, and the "management" aspects are shallow as hell, a lot relies on crossing your fingers and guessing, the charities, publicity stunts and character deaths are out of your control, other than picking a 50/50 option and hoping for the best. Chart success seems almost random, regardless of money spent, time of release, quality of video etc. The higher priced stars almost bankrupt you as soon as the game has begun and there is no real logic to aspects such as band chemistry, instrument quality, practice length, song titles and so on.

When released, Rock Star Ate My Hamster was a game like none other, funny, original and very, very British. You can play it today and still get a good laugh and a lot of fun from putting together your supergroup and sending them out on the road to nowhere. But, as a management game, it doesn't even have the basics required to be played as anything other than satire.

It's still more legit than The X Factor though.