Faith Connors

(First Appearance: Mirror's Edge)
PARKOUR!!!
For some time, Parkour was the future, it was how we were ALL going to be travelling around the cities we live in. Well, maybe not quite, but it damn sure seemed like you couldn't watch a movie, advert, or music video between '08 and '10 without feeling like a pretty unfit or, God forbid, UN-HIP person.

Parkour has appeared in videogaming in various iterations, and is currently the universal symbol for homebrew 360 drivel (apparently)

Faith Connors is Parkour's most recognisable connection to the videogame world, the beautiful Eurasian girl is the heroine of Dice's marmite game Mirror's Edge.
Faith is a Runner, an underground network of spritely hip young thangs who work as a messenger service for those who wish to communicate their business away from the prying eyes of the cities oppressive government. Runners utilise the rooftops, fire escapes, stairwells and construction sites of the city to move their correspondence quickly, efficiently, but hardly safely.

Faith's world is turned upside down when her sister Kate, a by-the-book cop, is framed for the murder of a promising politician. With the city at her finely tuned heels, Faith has to perform the run of her life, to clear her sisters name and expose some high level political corruption.
Keeping herself alive would be a great bonus too, I guess.

Regardless of the public perception of Mirror's Edge, which is very polarizing, I really like it. This is thanks in no small part to Connors, who is one of my favourite female protagonists in videogames. Faith seems incredibly real despite the game's Utopian, almost bizarre visual design. Faith doesn't have any super-powers or even a cool smart-mouth, she's just an incredibly fit and quick-witted girl who knows how to handle herself in any given situation.
Quick like a cat, graceful and determined, Faith speeds her way across the city environment, able to take care of business in both hand to hand combat and death-defying acrobatics. Unarmed, Faith can (and, in my opinion, should) be played without once resorting to a gunfight. Faith isn't a killer, and repeatedly pulling the trigger on a rifle feels like a complete betrayal of the character design. Ironically, Faith was originally to carry a handgun at all times, but this was removed during development. A brave decision that sadly, cost Dice many sales in a world of bloodthirsty modern gamers, who live to shoot first and ask questions later. Well, more accurately, shoot first, then sH00t suM m0ar.

Faith lives her life as a lonely individual, an isolated blip running on the sparse rooftops of the over-populated city, but is aware of where her loyalties lie and repeatedly risks her life at a moments notice for the protection of the few friends she has.
Though she is rewarded with betrayal not once, but TWICE over the course of the story, her steely determination, fast feet and survival instincts win through, leading to an ending that's just and fair for (almost) all involved.

Faith Connors is all the best parts of a perfect protagonist. Loyal, determined, brave, capable, but with that all important touch of vulnerability that makes her always seem that she's fighting an uphill battle against impossible odds, which, of course, makes victory all that much sweeter. I call that "Rocky psychology"

The supposed sequel to Mirror's Edge appears to be EA's favourite hostage game to tease its (admittedly small) fanbase with.
Whether Faith takes to the rooftops again remains to be seen but, for one game at least, we got a new female protagonist who was real enough to be human, but too perfect to ever exist in reality.

"Who's Next?.."

-"WHO'S NEXT?"-
(Slogan, WCW, 1998)
Around 1997, it seemed World Championship Wrestling could do no wrong. The Atlanta-based promotion was destroying rival WWF in the television ratings. But despite the steamroller success they were having, WCW needed a new breakout star, someone to place amongst the frankly geriatric has-beens that were making up their heavyweight main event scene.
They got their star, the star of David in fact.

Bill Goldberg, an Oklahoma native of Jewish ancestry was a pro-football player who had suffered a nasty injury whilst in the NFL. Whilst rehabbing said injury, Goldberg started attending WCW's "Power Plant" the training grounds for WCW wrestlers and the site of Louis Theroux's painfully unnecessary hazing. Goldbergs incredible physical strength and Spartan-esque body fast-tracked him through his training and he was on TV screens in no time.

The wacky soap-opera of pro-wrestling has a tendency to overthink its "angles", or storylines. Sometimes hella money can be made with the most straightforward and simplest of concepts. In the past, characters such as The Ultimate Warrior had been marketed as unstoppable forces, plain and simple. This approach had brought The Warrior much glory in the late 80s, regardless of his sloppy in-ring ability.
Although this was a very different pro-wrestling era, WCW decided to take a gamble on a similar concept, a gamble that would pay dividends.

Goldberg made his TV debut in 1997 against mid-carder Hugh Morrus. Goldberg didn't even get an entrance, or any music. but within scant minutes, he laid waste to Morrus and held a single finger to the camera "That's one." The audience were stunned, this nobody had just obliterated a named star, with apparently very little effort. Goldberg then walked to the back, refusing to speak to interviewer Gene Okerlund who tried desperately to get a few words with the mysterious newcomer.

With that, he exploded onto the scene. Goldberg was quickly established as an unstoppable, undefeatable DEATH WAGON as he chewed up WCWs roster, young stars and seasoned veterans alike. On commentary, the announcers would big up Goldbergs undefeated streak. Audience members would often bring signs simply stating the win/loss figure, which would over time build to an alleged 173-0 (emphasis on alleged)
And whilst all this went on, Goldberg barely said two words. Given an iconic entrance in which he would walk from his locker room to the ring, through pyro and explosions, all to a epic piece of battle music, Goldberg was simply a MONSTER. After destroying the opposition in double quick time, polishing off his opponents his awesomely satisfying Jackhammer finisher, Goldberg would be heading back up the ramp with the whole crowd, still on their feet from his entrance, roared his name.

Across '97-'98, this routine continued, eventually culminating in Goldberg flattening wrestling legend Hollywood Hogan in a sold out Georgia Dome show to capture the WCW title.
But the magic couldn't, and didn't, last forever. Through WCWs terrible final few years, they blew off most of Goldbergs steam and irreparably damaged his character. Announcers started lying about his win/loss record and Goldberg's unprecedented winstreak was finally ended at the hands of the God-awful Kevin Nash.

When WCW closed, Goldberg eventually turned up in the WWE. Goldberg was still popular and bankable, but the monster was no longer an unstoppable behemoth and he became just another wrestler in the eyes of the majority of fans. No mystique? Big mistake.
After a short year in the WWE, sensibly, Goldberg retired with full health to enjoy his fast made fortunes. Amongst other things, Goldbergs post-wrasslin' career has seen him star in a movie where, dressed as Santa Claus, he drowns Fran Drescher in eggnog after setting her head on fire. Yes.


Goldbergs short, but legendary, time at the top was accomplished in a few short years and is an example of how you really don't have to over-scrutinise these things. Sometimes, if someone has the look, the magnetism, and can get the audience in the palm of their hand with a minimum of effort, then that ALONE can be enough to make magic.
Magic and money. LOTS of money.

Melina Havelock

"I'm half-Greek, and Greek women, like Elektra, always avenge their loved ones"
Appearance: For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Played By: Carole Bouquet

For Your Eyes Only is the twelfth film in the James Bond series and the fifth to star Roger Moore as 007. One of the least iconic of the movies, FYEO has the dubious responsibility of bridging the gap between the abortions that are Moonraker and Octopussy (despite the latters glowing review from Homer Simpson)
FYEO returns the Bond franchise to the world of espionage and, despite Bill Conti's "Rocky outtakes" score and some completely flat slapstick comedy, it is one of the better written stories in the series with more realistic characters than those expected from a Moore 007 film.

James Bond is called to Greece to investigate the murder of marine archaeologist Sir Timothy Havelock and his wife, gunned down during a project to recover a device responsible for the co-ordination of Polaris submarines, the ATAC. Bond tracks Havelocks assassin, Hector Gonzalez, to a palatial estate, but before he can question him, Gonzalez is killed as he dives into his swimming pool, struck by a single bolt fired from the crossbow of Sir Havelock's daughter, Melina.
Thus, 007 and Melina team up to work together on both his mission and her personal vendetta, avenging her parents murder (Despite Bonds assurance her that one pursuing revenge "should first dig two graves")



Melina Havelock, played by French actress Carole Bouquet, is a natural beauty with Mediterranean good looks, piercing eyes and very long and straight dark hair. Speaking in seductive, hushed tones, Melina is arguably the first Bond girl in a long time to break rank of the cliche, being tough, intelligent and truly independent, capable of dropping a man with her trusty crossbow or doing some wacky stunt driving in a Citroen 2CV.

Definitely the most emo of the Bond Girls, Melina spends almost the entire films duration looking pissed off (Well, I guess her parents HAVE just been murdered) this kinda knocks her back and forth between acting like a focused woman of vengeance and a sulky teenager who didn't get tickets for Fall Out Boy.
No, Miss Havelock is not a big one for smiling, or shaving for that matter, as the grey line constantly trailing her top lip will attest to.
I guess it's that "Mediterranean look" right?

Moustache or no moustache, In a series which has a tendency to present its females as weak and useless, Melina Havelock is a breath of fresh Grecian air, and still stands proud as one of the best written Bond girls. Melina is beautiful, lethal and honourable and her character is never required to resort to the the usual forced "Bikini/Evening gown" scenes in order to look sexy.
Whilst For Your Eyes Only is not a Bond film people often reference in conversation, Melina Havelock gives the viewers a glimpse of the hard-edged direction female Bond characters would take in much later years.

Sylvia Trench

"I decided to accept your invitation"
Appearance: Dr. No (1962) From Russia With Love (1963)
Played By: Eunice Gayson

James Bond is first introduced to the moviegoing public in the film adaptation of Ian Fleming's Dr. No. As the first film to feature the soon to be legendary secret agent, Dr. No is responsible for laying the foundations of the James Bond "template" which would be fine-tuned until they final settle on the formula with Goldfinger.

After British agent Strangways is murdered in Jamaica, MI6 send out for one of their top agents: James Bond 007. An MI6 official arrives at Le Cercle casino in London where we find a beautiful woman playing Baccarat with a sophisticated gentleman in a stylish tuxedo.
After the man defeats the woman in a round, she asks the casino for more money, at this point the gentleman takes out his cigarette case and exclaims:
"I admire your courage, Miss..?"
"Trench" replies the girl "Sylvia Trench... I admire your luck, Mr..?"
"Bond." replies the gentleman, lighting his cigarette "James Bond."

With that short exchange a character who will provide consistently successful and entertaining movies for decades has been cemented in cinema history. Miss Trench leaves the table and moves to the exit, Bond follows her and questions her on any other games she has talent in, they agree to a round of golf to be played the following morning.


After receiving his assignment Bond returns home to find the delectable but apparently impatient Miss Trench has upped and broken into his apartment. Generally, I'd be expecting Connery to launch into his woman-whacking ways. Fortunately for Sylvia, she has bedecked herself in one of his shirts and an absolutely killer pair of gold heels, putting golf balls toward a cup in the centre of the room, her fantastic legs filling the frame in a scene that made many censors balk.
Seconds later, Sylvia and Bond and in each others arms. Despite her creepy but coy habit of keeping her right eyebrow almost permanently raised, Bond is all over the sexy socialite. The scene then fades into Bond travelling to Jamaica.

Sylvia Trench has a small role, but is hugely important in the bigger picture as she can be classed as the very first "Bond Girl" Trench is the archetype of the kind of beautiful woman who will melt into Bonds arms at the drop of a hat. Looking absolutely incredible whether donning an evening gown for a night at the casino or wearing a shirt and heels for a spot of breaking and entering, Miss Trench sets the standard for the hundreds of women to follow in her footsteps. Sylvia's delivery of her name also feeds Bond the infamous line which will become his iconic introduction.

In From Russia With Love, Bond's second adventure, we see Sylvia again, chilling with Bond by a countryside canal, having lost none of her charm. This makes her the only Bond girl to appear, playing the same character, in more than one film. The rumour is that Miss Trench was to be a recurring character, constantly seen hanging with 007 just before he gets called away to duty, but this idea was dropped.

Sylvia Trench may not have the biggest role in the film, she is often forgotten in the wake of the later scenes starring Ursula Andress, but the few minutes she is on screen pave the wave for many of the ladies to come. Miss Trench's contribution to the series is immeasurable.

Roy Adams

(First Appearance: Operation WOLF)
Those who remember the 80's well are getting old now. They will also remember that, spearheaded by Arnold Schwarzenegger's fantastic Commando, a whole slew of movies hit the screens and big box video market featuring lonesome guys tooling up and taking on armies of men. These behemoth battletanks would be armed to the teeth and would stand stock still, gunning down wave after wave of mercenaries running at firing at them from all directions.

Despite training, these armies would always miss their target and receive the hot steel rain delivered by the unstoppable before them. This scenario was so testosterone building and adrenaline pumping that it was custom designed for videogames.
In 1987, Taito released, no, UNLEASHED Operation WOLF into the arcades. So there was to be no confusion whatsoever what this game would consist of, the awesome intro features a typical "Tool up for war" scene as Green Beret Roy Adams prepares to pump lead into hundreds and hundreds of trained soldiers in a mission to rescue a group of hostages and escort them to safety over the six locations that comprise of the enemy camp.

Adams parachutes into battle and gets to work, systematically making his way through enemy territory, destroying communications, gaining intelligence and freeing the hapless prisoners from the concentration camp. The on-rails style leads me to believe that he is ACTUALLY STRAFING ON FOOT through each location, massacring every single man who dares pop their head up from behind a rock or window.
Adams is so steely that he can bring down armoured cars and helicopters with his Uzi 9mm, he is just so gung-ho unstoppable that I choose to believe he was given a platoon of men to work with him on the mission, but he turned them away because he thought it would be LOLs to go it alone.

Upon reaching the final level, Adams runs alongside the rescue plane gunning down stragglers of the long since defeated force that dared raise a gun barrel in his general direction. The plane takes off and our hero sparks up a cigarette, celebrating a job well done. We are left to imagine him going home to what I believe is some hideaway in Alaska where all he does is hunt animals and bang women until he is called up again to deal with some other terrorist threat.

Roy Adams would return alongside token black sidekick Hardy Jones for the far more insane Operation Thunderbolt. By this time Adams and mastered the art of running forwards as some missions scroll into the screen, he's a pretty adaptable guy.
Adams has not been seen in quite some time, but his legacy remains. A lone soldier, who takes on insurmountable odds single handed and gets the job done with nary a scratch on his person.

When I was Roy Adams, I was a bad-ass, never say die Green Beret, as opposed to what I actually was: a small child sat in front of a portable television waving round one of these:

Ethan Mars

(First Appearance: Heavy Rain)
-DISCLAIMER: I won't implicitly reveal the killers identity, but this entry will contain other plot spoilers-
How far would go to save someone you love?
That awful Hollywood movie poster tagline is cliche, but it is an interesting question. Many games feature a hero who risks life and limb to save a significant other, but Heavy Rain, by self-styled auteur David Cage attempts to have characters ask that question of themselves, then display their answers through acts that go psychologically beyond beating up an army of palette swapped thugs.

Ethan Mars is a young architect whose life has fallen on seriously hard times since the death of his son Jason, killed in a road accident whilst Ethans attention was occupied elsewhere. As a result, Ethan is now a broken man, separated from his wife and living depressed in a stark house where he fails to connect with his second son Shaun, who has become completely distant to him.

Man-up time comes when Shaun is kidnapped, an apparent victim of "The Origami Killer" a child murderer who preys in the area every Autumn, drowning his victims in rainwater and leaving a small Origami animal in their lifeless hands.
Shortly after Shauns disappearance, Ethan receives a shoe box containing a gun, a mobile phone and a series of written trials, which he must complete in order to attain the address where Shaun is being held prisoner: A drain in which the water level is rising daily due to the torrential storm hanging over the city.

Each trial pushes Ethan further and further to the limits of his body and mind, ranging from he performing intricate dares such as driving into headlong traffic and crawling through a tunnel of broken glass, to straight up headfuck horrors as cutting off one of his own fingers and murdering a total stranger in cold blood. Against the clock, Ethan must perform these tasks whilst simultaneously evading the law, who are hot on his trail for performing these acts of public mayhem.

Heavy Rain as a game allows the player to decide how and if Ethan proceeds with these tasks, but whether the player succeeds, fails or simply refuses each trial, Ethan remains a man of broken mind but steel heart. Ethan loves his son and will do whatever it takes to find him, putting himself in situations which cause him no end of physical pain and suffering, not to mention questioning his own sanity as becomes increasingly convinced that he may actually be the Origami killer himself and is setting himself these trials as a redemptive punishment for allowing his first son to die.

Killer or not, Ethan Mars is a great hero. A man rising from the depths of despair and self-pity to try and save his son from a horrible fate. Ethan will put himself through a living hell in order to ensure the safety of young Shaun. Whether he makes it through with his son, his sanity, or even his life is dependent on the player and the choices they make.

Simply put, Mars would be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the life of another.
To be fair, that's probably all I really needed to write.

Thayer Alconred

(First Appearance: Thayer's Quest)
Thayer Alconred is probably the politest hero who will grace this list. In fact, he is so softly spoken and gentle that it would be fair to assume he is a background character. But no, Thayer is the hero of Thayer's Quest, a laserdisc arcade and launch game for Rick Dyer's ill- fated Halcyon system, a games console with a price tag that would make even a Neo-Geo think it was extortionate.

Thayer is an apprentice magician who is summoned by the great wizard Druce to recover five ancient relics that make up the Amulet of Power. This amulet, funnily enough, contains a great power that could banish the evil sorcerer Sorsabel from his tyrannical reign over Shadoan, the kingdom that all who are fair and good live in.
I'm not quite sure why the wizard Druce doesn't get the job done himself, I think he said something about being too old, but I'm pretty sure he's just lazy.

So Thayer makes his way through the first three kingdoms of Shadoan, using wit, cunning and mad skills to avoid the many traps, dangers and creatures who would attempt to stop him. Well, he tries to at least, being a laserdisc game, turning down the wrong fork in the road or waiting for all of four seconds usually leads to insta-death syndrome, leaving Thayer to fates such as drowning in a lake, being beaten to death by women or falling into a tar pit.

Fear not, Thayer begins his quest with three spells. Now, I'm thinking a fireball spell, a healing spell and maybe some kind of teleport or super strength spell. Oh, actually Thayer has been armed with a spell of "Seeing" a spell of "Release" and a spell of "Understanding"
Gee.. Thanks.. It's like the Great Wizard Druce is actually Ned Flanders.

Despite his crappy spells, Thayer bravely treads through land, looking not unlike a man who is totally out of his depth, using his deadly skills of good manners and impeccable punctuality to defeat many of the obstacles that would do him wrong. Should this novel approach to fighting evil get Thayer past the Crystal Tigers, Cloud gods and the feared Black Magician, Thayer will arrive at a castle run by an arrogant King. Awesomely, this is where our ultra happy, positive thinking hero loses his shit and ups and murders the king with a sword to the chest cavity.
It's like that moment in Straw Dogs where Hoffman can't take it anymore and goes apeshit.

Thayer's story was supposed to continue over further games, but the Halcyon systems failure led to the cancellation of these games, though in 1998 "Shadoan" was released, a game which essentially finishes of the story, however Thayer was renamed "Lathan Kandor" and his Beatles-esque bowl haircut has been "modernised" into what is essentially a ginger mullet.

Thayer Alconred is a hybrid of many D+D style heroes that feature in 70's cartoons and poundshop DVDs. To his credit though, while his overly quaint and cheerful manner may not really be befitting of a videogame hero, he still manages to take care of business despite his damn crappy "Spell of Understanding"

Please enjoy this video of Thayer's Quests unforgiving insta-death moments, if it teaches you anything about the game, then it's "DON'T GO ANYWHERE OR TOUCH ANYTHING":

Hero (Nosferatu)

(First Apperance: Nosferatu)
Many, many brave men and women stand up and stare death in the face in the world of videogames, with steely reserve and and hearts of iron, they venture up against the odds to defend or to rescue, armed with their weapons of choice or simply whatever they have to hand.
As a result, justice is served and their names go down in history, Mike Hagger, Master Chief, Solid Snake, Commander Shepard and good old Mario. These are well known characters whose names are synonymous with the franchise they feature in.

There are others though, nameless characters from games lacking in reputation and fame. These unspoken legends braved just as much, maybe more so, to achieve their ultimate goal, then vanished into the annals of time, only to be spoken of in hushed tones by the most hardcore hero hunters of all.
This entry is a testament to the heroes of games that didn't quite make it, yet featured a solid protagonist who didn't even have the roar of the crowd on his side.

Also, this particular hero took on Dracula wearing a denim ensemble.

Nosferatu is an obscure SNES game released by Seta in 1994. A shameless hybrid of Prince of Persia and Castlevania, Nosferatu sees an un-named young man venture into the Dark Prince's castle to rescue his love, who vanished overnight, the latest victim of Nosferatu's lust (As the awesomely stylistic intro tells us) Our hero is no Belmont family member, trading in Simon's enchanted whip and armour for a sports suit and boxing skills.
Seriously, this guy is going to take on demons, werewolves, zombies and the evil vampire himself with only a left, left, right cross combo. I'm in awe already.

The brave young man runs through the dungeons, using his athletic ability to vault the gaps and chasms and traverse the miserable terrain, all while collecting gemstones and dropping any evil spirited creature that stands in his way, he also has a strict time limit to work against, as he must reach his woman before she succumbs to Nosferatu's charms and becomes one of the undead herself.
The challenge is immense (not helped by a slightly clunky control system) but the hero fights on, obviously gaining no help from authorities. He is simply a man who loves his girlfriend and will do everything he can to save her life, or die trying.

For this, Nosferatu's hero deserves a place in this list and at least some level of recognition in the good guy hall of fame.
Should he defeat his immensely powerful opponent, our hero will be reunited with the woman he braved everything for, but will he be too late?
Nosferatu is far from a classic game, but it has a classic hero. Just some guy, like you or me, who has lost his all to a fate worse than death, having no option but to enter hell to get her back and fight off some of the most nightmarish creatures in imagination. Should the player fail, they are greeted with this screen:
Call me emo, but in my book, that question isn't multiple choice.

Billy and Jimmy Lee

(First Apperance: Double Dragon)
Do you have a brother? How well do you get on with him?
Sibling rivalry is as old as time itself and the videogame world sure likes to cement the idea that brothers generally aren't in the habit of sticking together. I don't really see my brother and we fought a lot when we were younger but we certainly weren't quite at the same levels as Solid/Liquid Snake brotherly love.

Fortunately, Billy and Jimmy Lee do get along. Good thing, as the gorgeous, mini skirt wearing Marian has just taken a punch in the babymaker as is being carted of to some crazy Aztecan complex by The Black Warriors. Despite turning up on the scene about two seconds after her kidnapping, the brothers must apparently fight their way through four stages of gang members in order to rescue her and bring peace to their garishly coloured world.

Billy and Jimmy Lee are the kind of heroes 80s movies and 90s arcades are crammed with, two guys operating outside the law, taking matters into their own hands and scrapping back to back against insurmountable odds, their palette swapped hair and clothing being the only ways to tell them apart. I'm sure I will go further into this in another post, but Double Dragon represents the kind of hero I would like to be, a guy who, if a loved one was in real danger, would be able to reach some crazy level of super resource and Jason Bourne my way through a gang of muggers, or just some drunk guy in a chip-shop.

Billy and Jimmy Lee, though not the first, paved the way for a slew of "Bro's Vs. everyone" co-op teams, that continues to this very day through games like Gears Of War. Much death and carnage making up for the John Woo-esque homosexual undertones of the "Tough guys together" stereotype (Watch "The Killer" you'll see)
Irony of ironies kicks in once the mission is complete, as upon rescuing the damsel in distress, the brothers who have battled together till the end instantly turn on each other in a fight for Marian's affection
Jeez guys, Bro's before Ho's, C'mon?

Billy and Jimmy would return in various sequels and would also feature in a HORRIBLE cartoon series and an awful movie, played by Mark Dacascos and Scott Wolf, with a sexy Alyssa Milano playing a Tank Girl style Marian and a decidedly un-sexy Robert Patrick playing...some guy, I forget his name.
Billy and Jimmy Lee are the personification of back-to-back, against the odds, street fighting, they have risen above their Godfrey Ho movie sounding names to become the most bouffant heroes in the videogame hall of fame.

..And it was all going so well until a girl got involved. 'Aint it the truth.

Snotty Ragsdale

(First Appearance: Boogerman)
During the 90's platform boom, many one-shot characters appeared, each and every one of them had some form of gimmick. Earthworm Jim was a worm in a cybernetic suit, Zool was a lollipop loving ninja ant thing, Sparkster was a jet-pac utilizing, suit of armour wearing Possum knight.

Boogerman flicked snot.

I'm getting through this one at speed as all things phlegm really makes me gag. Boogerman was basically a platform game made to appeal purely on the fact that kids thinking farting is funny (If you just laughed at that line, I don't know what to tell you) Snotty Ragsdale, aka Boogerman, is a mild mannered millionaire who is sucked into *sigh" "Dimension X-Crement" after a machine that will stop the world's pollution goes haywire. Boogerman must escape this dimension, dodging dangers and vanquishing foes along the way via human secretions and bodily noises.

Yes, Boogerman is a platformer where the heroes weapons are snot, phlegm, farts and burps. Ragsdale can also fart himself to high places and rope swing between platforms using long strands of loogie.
That's really all there is to this hero, snot and fart gags. Kids may have found that pant-wettingly funny, but most kids aren't stupid enough to think that these gags warrant supporting Boogerman's antics over those of a better, or more interesting platform negotiating hero.

The sad part is that Boogerman was really well animated and in a time of nobody videogame icons thrown together to make a quick buck, Boogerman actually looked like he hard solid work put into his movement and design. All for nought though, as a unsuccessful release garnered our hacking hero little more than EGM's "Grossest character of 1994" award.
The ultimate death knell sounded when Boogerman cameoed in Clayfighter on the Nintendo 64. Once you appear in a Clayfighter game, you are fucking done.
There was a slight reprieve as Boogerman has been inexplicably ported to the Wii's Virtual Console. Considering the target age of the Wii demograph, that probably isn't too bad an idea.

Boogerman was one of many platform heroes to hit the 16 bit era and ride the Sonic/Mario wave of success, but aside from his admittedly brilliant animation, he left little more than a bad taste in your mouth.
Considering his love of all things yellow and gooey, that's probably all he ever wanted for his public.